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This anthological book includes such noted authors as: Ken Blanchard, Mark Victor Hansen, Les Brown, Dorothy M. Neddermeyer, et al. Read more... Feature ArticleHow To Keep Your Resolutions and Achieve Your Goals - The New Year has begun. Many people have already broken their New Year’s resolutions. Surveys reveal that 25% of people will break their New Year’s resolution within the first week of making it. Are you among the 25%?  Blog Info Subscribe to our RSS feed |
Feature ArticleAre Your Children Ready for School? With shopping list in hand you checked off the items..., everything is ready. Or is it? Is your child prepared to deal with society's worst scourge-Sexual
Abuse? Every year throughout the world several hundred children
are sexually abused/assaulted by adults associated with their school
experience. To adequately prepare your child for school you need
to prepare him/her about sexual abuse prevention. How can children
protect themselves? The unbelievable truth about sexual abuse perpetrators is that they do not hold beliefs reflecting society's moral and ethical values. Most perpetrators go to great lengths to present themselves as exemplary people; the teacher, who frequently stays after school to help a child having academic difficulties or the gym teacher/coach, who takes special interest in a budding athlete. I am not suggesting that everyone who does these things is a sexual abuse perpetrator. Insidiously, perpetrators demonstrate the right, moral, and exemplary behavior to develop credibility and establish proof of their love of children, thus thwarting any suspicion of wrong doing. Perpetrators frequently take jobs which afford easy access to children-child care workers, teachers, coaches, etc. How can children protect themselves? First: Accept the fact that sexual abuse perpetrators may seem very average and ordinary to the world. In spite of all the reports of sexual abuse by pillars of the community-teachers, clergy, coaches, we still want to cling to the belief that a sexual abuse perpetrator is the disheveled man with a scraggly beard, wearing a dirty trench coat. It is difficult to believe the people we like, admire, trust and work with would do such a heinous thing. Second: Accept the definition of sexual abuse. "Traditionally, incest [sexual abuse] was defined as: sexual intercourse between two persons too closely related to marry legally--sex between siblings, first cousins, the seduction by fathers of their daughters. This dysfunctional blood relationship, however, does not describe what children are experiencing. We need to look beyond the blood bond and include the emotional bond between the victim and his or her perpetrator. The new definition relies less on the blood bond between the victim and the perpetrator and more on the experience of the child. Incest is both sexual abuse and an abuse of power. It is violence that does not require force. Another is using the victim, treating them in a way that they do not want or in a way that is not appropriate by a person with whom a different relationship is required. It is abuse because it does not take into consideration the needs or wishes of the child; rather, it meets the needs of the other person at the child's expense. If the experience has sexual meaning for another person, in lieu of a nurturing purpose for the benefit of the child, it is abuse. If it is unwanted or inappropriate for her age or the relationship, it is abuse. Incest [sexual abuse] can occur through words, sounds, or even exposure of the child to sights or acts that are sexual but do not involve her. If she is forced to see what she does not want to see, for instance, by an exhibitionist, it is abuse. If a child is forced into an experience that is sexual in content or overtone that is abuse. As long as the child is induced into sexual activity with someone who is in a position of greater power, whether that power is derived through the perpetrator's age, size, status, or relationship, the act is abusive. A child who cannot refuse, or who believes she or he cannot refuse, is a child who has been violated." -E. Sue Blume, Secret Survivors Third: Know the signs your child is being targeted Self-protection offers a direct and effective method for children to protect themselves. Who, other than the child, is in a better position to protect him/herself? Perpetrators say they can sense a child to victimize. They can tell by the child's demeanor, body language, and facial expression. They sense the fear, the helplessness, the passivity. They chose a child who is easily intimidated or controlled so hopefully the child won't tell. Secrecy is paramount for the perpetrator. Whenever a person is traumatized, he or she resorts to familiar behavior; for girls this behavior is usually passivity, while boys usually 'tough it out;--thinking if they are strong and unemotional, no harm can occur. Sexual crimes against children can only be committed if the perpetrator finds someone who will hopefully keep the secret. No child needs to fall prey to these cunning predators. There is no foolproof sexual child abuse prevention, because, perpetrators are cunning predators, who have perfected their skills to get what they want. Therefore, heed and investigate any warning signals. Warning signals include:
Fourth: What to do
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Thoughts to PonderWhen you know that what you're doing is right, nothing will be able to stop you. When you are absolutely convinced of the true value of your efforts, you'll have the courage and the persistence to see them through. To believe in what you're doing is not just important. It is everything. Anything less cannot possibly succeed. For any accomplishments you reach while living a lie will ultimately be of no value. It is not always easy to live true to your highest values, true to your authentic self, true to what you know is right. Yet it is always your best choice. When you deny what you know is right in order to follow the expediency of the moment, the benefits you gain are trivial and fleeting. Choose instead to live each moment true to the highest values you know. Then, who you become will be the fulfillment of who you truly are. Why would you ever want to be anything less? —Ralph Marston
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