In the Press
CAPITAL JOURNAL (South Dakota) - 5/24/02
Pierre Native Addresses Sexual Abuse in the Family
"As a child on a Stanley County ranch in the 1940s, Dorothy
Neddermeyer (nee Huckfeldt) knew that all was not right with he
world. She knew because her aunt was hospitalized at the Human Services
center in Yankton.
"'She went to the hospital when I was 7 years old and she died there with an overdose of drugs,' Neddermeyer said. 'At age 7, I knew...that she would never come out of there alive.'
"That experience left its mark. As a member of the Riggs High School graduating class of 1960, she wanted to become a professional, but the school counselor discouraged her.
"'My guidance counselor at the high school didn't think I was - quote - smart enough to be able to get a master's degree which is what I would need in order to be a professional...So I went into business administration and worked in corporations,' Neddermeyer said.
"Twenty years later she proved the counselor wrong. After taking time out to raise her children, Neddermeyer returned to college, graduating with a master's degree in psychiatric social work in 1980.
"From the beginning, she recognized a pattern among the clients she was seeing.
"I just noticed that there were a lot of people who were coming to my practice that had been sexually abuse,' Neddermeyer said.
"Recently, she wrote a book addressing this issue: 'If I'd Only Known...Sexual Abuse in or out of the Family: A Guide to Prevention.' It has been described as 'informative, honest and easy-to-read' by one reviewer. Another said the book provides 'an opportunity to understand the dynamics between the perpetrator and the victim.'
"The cornerstone of Neddermeyer's approach to preventing sexual abuse is what she calls 'one cardinal rule.'
"'My cardinal rule is never, ever, under any circumstance hit a child for any reason,' she said. 'There is not reason good enough to hit a child. ...It is a violation of sacred body boundaries, and it is a betrayal of trust.'
"Parents need to realize that when child is 'being petulant or being a brat,' a problem exists, Neddermeyer said. They need to take time to listen to that child and help the child work through the problem. 'There's a hundred and one things you can do instead of hitting children to help them learn,' she said.
"Because spanking violates body boundaries, children who are spanked become more vulnerable to sexual abuse because children need to understand body boundaries to protect themselves, according to Neddermeyer.
"Engaging in behaviors which can be construed as sexual or non-sexual, such as kissing on the lips or showering together, also puts a child at risk.
"'The child is not able to distinguish whether the trusted adult has intent to kiss me on the lips and then abuse me, or kiss me on the lips and let me go play like Mommy and Daddy do,' Neddermeyer said.
"Because sexual abuse is most often a family affair, with approximately 80 percent of victims abused by a family member, inappropriate touch may be part to the grooming process, she said.
"'The mind-set of the perpetrator is to get the cild in a position of being able to sexually abuse them, so they actually start preparing the child long before they actually abuse,' Neddermeyer said.
"Recognizing this parents need to be appropriately suspicious. Sometimes the clues will seem innocuous. She said that in one instance, a mother became suspicious when her 4-year-old daughter threw a stuffed rabbit on the floor and said, 'I don't want that rabbit.'
"'It turned out that the father was using the rabbit as a gift so that she would - quote - do things,' Neddermeyer said.
"The clues may also be a parent's own physiological response to a situation, according to Neddermeyer. A mother may notice an increase in heart rate or may feel as though the blood is draining from her body, she said.
"'If you notice something that doesn't quite sit right with you, then investigate further,' Neddermeyer said."
