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Why Doesn't This Manifesting Thing Work for Me? By Dawn Fields - You’ve written out your goals. You read them every day. You do the visualization exercises. You do everything you’ve read about in this newsletter and all the other newsletters, seminars, self-help books and web sites, but nothing seems to be happening in your life.

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Partners & Allies: What to Do & What to Avoid

WHAT TO DO:

  • DO learn about abuse aftereffects and the healing process.
  • DO use and encourage the Survivor to use empowering language.
  • DO help the Survivor make choices.
  • DO validate feelings.
  • DO encourage therapy for the Survivor, and possibly yourself. Separately
    and together.
  • Do learn and practice effective communication techniques.
  • Do learn and practice assertive communication skills.
  • DO learn and practice time-out skills.
  • DO respect boundaries and limits.
  • DO communicate openly about sexuality.
  • DO allot time and resources for the healing process.
  • DO learn to play.
  • DO allot time to be together.
  • DO allot time to be apart.
  • DO serve as a healthy role model.
  • Do blame the offender(s), NOT the Survivor.
  • DO plan for crises (including possibly suicidal thoughts).
  • DO be honest about your feelings.
  • DO acknowledge progress in the healing process.
  • DO reinforce strengths of the Survivor and the relationship.
  • DO believe in the Survivor and in the healing process.

WHAT TO AVOID:

  • Avoid taking the Survivor's outbursts personally.
  • Avoid being a martyr.
  • Avoid isolating yourself, even though, the Survivor is.
  • Avoid humoring the Survivor into cheerfulness.
  • Avoid insisting the Survivor forgive and forget.
  • Avoid overwhelming the Survivor with your own anger/frustration regarding
    the abuse.
  • Avoid making pronouncements regarding a "cure" or insist the Survivor hurry
    the healing process.
  • Avoid setting timetables or give ultimatums to the Survivor.
  • Avoid giving the Survivor your version how s/he needs to heal.

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"We live on earth, but our true homeland is in heaven, in the divine world, and the knowledge we must acquire to live our earthly life and our heavenly life are obviously different.

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