Date/Acquaintance Rape

"Acquaintance rape" is sexual assault that is committed by someone who the victim knows, such as a classmate, neighbor, friend, date, co-worker or even a husband or boyfriend. In legislation, the word "rape" is no longer used and has been broadened to "sexual assault". "Sexual assault" is any form of sexual activity (e.g. kissing, fondling, intercourse, etc.) which is forced upon a person, without his or her consent. This includes a wide spectrum of acts, from simple unwanted sexual touching to a violent sexual attack, and it applies equally to both a stranger and to someone who is known by the victim. Essentially, all sexual activity that occurs against a person's will is sexual assault.

"Acquaintance rape" is the most under-reported form of sexual assault. More than two-thirds of reported sexual assaults are within a dating relationship. Women are reluctant to report this because society believes that a woman who was attacked by someone she knew must have somehow "asked for it". Reluctance in men to report unwanted sexual touching is rooted in a fear of ridicule for actually not wanting to have sexual contact with a woman, or in the case of male- male contact of being labeled homosexual. It does not matter who the assailants and victims are, nor what their genders are; ANY unwanted sexual touching is a criminal offence.

Danger Signals in a Relationship

While it is difficult to accept acquaintance rape, it is true that in the majority of sexual assaults, the victim knows the attacker. This is why it is important to identify the people who are potential "acquaintance rapists". Be appropriately suspicious of people who:

• seldom listen to you, ignore or talk over you.
• insult you or putdown and belittle your statements.
• sulk or get angry if you initiate your desires or ideas.
• look right through you or down on you.
• control your life-by telling you who your friends can be, telling you how to dress, insist on making decisions about activities, etc.
• talk negatively about women or men in general.
• are jealous or possessive.
• drink or use drugs heavily
• express anger and violence toward women or men either through words or by physical means.
• are unable to handle sexual and emotional frustrations without becoming angry.
• have a fascination with weapons.
• talk about or act out cruelty to animals, children, or people whom he or she can bully.
• use come-on lines to get you into bed, such as, "If you loved me, you would"; "Don't you like me?"; "I'll kill myself if you break up with me"; "You turned me on, so now you have to follow though"; or "You know really want it!"